Radio Interview, Isolation Help, and Updates!

Do you ever feel alone? You know that's not true logically, but you can't help but think it. It's little things like when you try to call someone and they don't answer or if you try to make plans around your illness but have to cancel them.

I have friends who tell me that I'm a strong person, but I don't feel strong. Being alone is an irrational fear that people who suffer from any kind chronic illness. You can't escape, no matter how many people you talk to or invite over. Being chronically ill is challenging enough and maintaining a social life is pretty much non-existent.

That's one of the challenges of a chronic illness. Sometimes, you feel alone and down and think that no one understands what you're going through and that you're alone. That's not true. You're never alone.

I have my husband, my family, my fraternity, and my other family on the GASTROPARESIS Facebook page. All you have to do is reach out to someone to talk to. And it's when you feel the most alone that you should break out of your comfort zone and talk to someone. It really does help. I'm seeing a therapist that my doctor recommended because I can't do this on my own right now. Sometimes it's OK to ask for extra help when you need it. It doesn't make you a failure or anything like that - it makes you stronger. It takes a strong person to ask for help when you need it. Talking to someone removed from the situation can be a bit comforting and it helps you to vent your frustrations. In doing that, it makes you feel almost free and emotionally lighter. If you are feeling sad, depressed, anxious, or just overwhelmed, I would recommend seeking help for the short term. This will help you to get over these hurdles, as it's helped me.

If you can't afford a therapist, do the next best thing - reach out to a friend. All of the admins on the Gastroparesis page are available to talk. We will listen to you because we know what you're going through. It really helps to have an understanding ear as well. I choose to write to help me deal with some of my frustrations but there are other outlets. You have to find the best one that fits you.

Speaking of outlets, I was on my friend Jason's radio show today to speak out about Gastroparesis. I tried to do Gastroparesis justice. If you missed the radio interview, you can listen online HERE. I was a bit nervous but I hope that I was able to tell my story without getting off topic too much. Jason is great and I'm so glad that I was able to do his show today!

I've had some really bad stomach attacks the two weeks. I've been very miserable and in a lot of pain. I'm trying to do my best but nothing's really staying down - drinks or what I've been trying to eat. I had a huge dehydration headache last night that wasn't going anywhere and my stomach felt like I had been drop kicked in the abdomen. I even pulled a muscle in my abdomen and my back yesterday - so I had issues moving. I'm glad I get to rest this weekend but I feel bad that I'm going to miss St. Patrick's Day tomorrow. I would love a green beer and to go out and hang out with friends but that's not in the cards for me. My lips are all cracked and chapped from dehydration and I've cut the corners of my mouth, but I'm not sure how I managed to do that.

All in all, I'm hanging in there and I still remain optimistic. I need to call the Mayo doctor to tell him that the medication he gave me isn't really working. I feel bad but still feel hungry. However, I am scared to eat.

Post Implant Surgery & Updates

I had back surgery a week ago on Tuesday and had my staples pulled out on Tuesday of this week. I thought the staples weren't going to hurt as they were being pulled out buy I was so wrong. The doctor started removing the staples and I started crying. She asked me if she needed to stop for a minute to get myself together but I declined and told her to keep removing the staples. She said that I was a trooper and kept pulling them out. I guess my back healed over or around the staples to cause that much pain. Now, my back looks like something in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I have to stand or sit up straight so that the implant works but it has helped control the knee pain. When I recover and my back heals completely, I am going to work myself back up to hiking because I miss it so much. That should help with the gastroparesis. I've also been chewing gum. Even though the smell and the taste of it makes me ill, I'm chewing it anyway for my digestive system.

The vomiting has cut down from 8 times a day to about 4 to 6 times. I am hoping it will continue to fall because my pain response in my knee has been corrected. My stomach still has a lot of cramping - even with the Bentyl and Levsin. I need to make an appointment with my GI doctor for more anti-nausea medicine. I wish he would just give me a year's full of refills on phenergan and zofran. I'm going to need them for a while. Does anyone else have this issue? I'm actually curious. i have to use a four columned pill box because I have so many to take. My pills could be a meal in themselves.

I need to find a primary care doctor where I live. I need to keep all of my records in one place and a PCP would be easier to get into. If you have anyone you think is amazing, just message me or write me an email.

My back is really sore since they pulled out the staples and my stomach is cramping so badly that I double over in pain. I have to ride in a car with a bucket but it's just dry heaves at this point because there is nothing in my stomach to vomit up. The acid has burned my esophagus so my voice fades in and out. It almost feels like strep. I'm on medication for acid reflux but it doesn't seem to help the vomiting. It's hard to swallow my pills.

I've also been very lethargic with almost no energy. It takes everything I have to get out of bed. It's not that I'm sleepy, I just have no energy. I know that I'm dehydrated but I've been trying to drink as much as I can.

I just don't know what to do about my stomach. I don't know how to live with this. It's hard to adjust to and my friends don't understand. Most of them don't come over anymore to hang out with me, even though they know it's hard for me to leave my house. Four or five of my friends have come over to spend a few hours with me but that's about it. I don't even get calls to makes sure I'm OK. It depresses me, especially since I am part of a fraternity. I know people are busy and I'm just wallowing in self pity. But sometimes, you just need that extra boost of confidence from your friends, you know? I wish I could make them understand what I am going through. I mean, I know that I'm sick but they scheduled events and then don't invite me to them or tell me about them. It hurts. I just feel so isolated. My house used to be the hot spot but not anymore.

So, I'm up at 4am, vomiting on and off, and trying not to re-injure my knee. I managed to feel well enough to leave the house this past weekend for my husband's 42nd anniversary of the founding of his chapter of his fraternity at the TELLUS. I also attended the wedding of my friends J.D. & Lisa. They had a beautiful wedding and I was so excited to leave the house.

I just feel really alone, which is stupid because my husband has been amazing. My sister is here to help me, also. She just went through a bad breakup so I'm worried about her.

Well, enough about me for now.

TDRL; The Implant is helping, I feel alone with my friends, and I'm vomiting.

Picture of my back after the stapes were pulled out.

Getting ready for the wedding and classing it up!

Getting ready for my husband's fraternity chapter's 42nd anniversary.