Severe Emotional and Physical Pain

For the past few days, the abdominal cramps have gotten so much worse. I've had esophageal spasms more than I usually do. My stomach feels like I've been sucker punched and I have NO interest in eating at all.

I've been keeping a food diary to keep track of what and when I eat and I haven't eaten very much in the last week. I miss food. I hate that food is the enemy. I don't understand how I'm not losing more weight though. I mean, my weight, I've lost about 15 pounds total, but now it's staying steady. But I'm not really eating...so I don't understand.

My friend has been staying with me and she helped take care of me this past weekend when everyone was gone. My husband was at a convention, my roommate was in San Fransisco, and my other roomie was visiting her parent's. I'm glad my friend was here because I went hypoglycemic about four times. This is still new to me but she was able to make me eat and get some food in me, it didn't stay down, but it got me to stop slurring my words so I guess some of it stayed down.

I'm frustrated and tired. I just want to give up. I've got a lot of unnecessary stress on me right now and it's making me feel worse. The depression has really hit me today and usually, I'm not a depressed person. I had dreams last night and each dream had me buried alive or trapped in some way. It was horrible.

I'm worried about school and if I don't take this one class I need then I have to wait ANOTHER year to graduate. However, at the rate my stomach is going, I won't be able to take a class because I vomit about 6 to 8 times a day, even if there's nothing left. It burns. My throat is so swollen that I can barely swallow pills. I have no energy today. I feel drained. Emotionally drained too, like I have just gotten done with a funeral.

I'm really just upset and sick. Last night was horrible. I need to get out of this house, somehow, for a little while. I really want to go and watch Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter to get out of the house. I know that the smell alone will make me ill but I wonder if it would be worth it, just to get out. Or even have my husband drive me around the neighborhood to the park so I can swing for a bit. I just need to do SOMETHING! I feel useless and unloved, which is stupid because I know I'm loved.

My birthday is on Saturday. I was looking forward to my party because it's zombie themed and everything is just going to be amazing. But now, I just am so lethargic that I feel like, why am I doing this? I don't have the energy for this? I just feel so extremely tired - like the fight is gone out of me. I'm tired, so very tired.

Feeling Somewhat Better but the Virus Didn't Help

I'm feeling somewhat better. I'm still very weak and fatigued. This time, I managed to get a throat infection from (what I can only guess are people at the wedding). My throat was sore and swollen. I couldn't even swallow a pill on Thursday night. I was coughing up blood and lesions.

I slept all day on Saturday. My friend brought me some sweet potato pureed soup. I managed to vomit it all over my bed, sheets, covers, linens,etc. I had to put all of those through the washer, make up my bed, and try to sleep again.

I have been sleeping a lot. I've never felt so weak. I want to go to the store and get some things that I can eat and maybe some diet soda now that my throat's less upset. It's still sore like I swallowed glass, but it's not as bad as it was before.

I just want to go back to sleep. No more vomiting, no more pain, and sleepless nights, except for a few.

There was weird dreams over the last few days. I woke up hallucinating people and then arguing with them or talking to them. I wasn't taking anything but I wasn't monitoring my temperature. The last time I checked my temperature last night was 101.4 but I'm not sure it went up more or not before I was able to swallow the tylenol. Today, it had gone down to 98.1 this morning.

I still feel sick. I've been hypoglycemic for the past three to four days. I've been slurring my words. That scares me.

The cramps hurt so much and I just want it all to stop. Other viruses make it so much more wost. My friend offered to drive me to the hospital yesterday, but I think I can do most of what the hospital will do at home, except maybe an IV. They would just me a liter of fluid and send me home because I haven't eaten anything that would make me vomit in front of them.

Another 6am Wake Up Call

The back of my throat and a little ways down my esophagus are so sore. It feels like it's been torn and/or burned by something. I woke up and vomited a little bit of chicken I ate last night. I know salad is miserably rough on my digestive system but I really wanted caesar salad yesterday. My throat hurts so much. It burns and feels miserable. I took my medicine in hopes that it helps some. I can barely swallow, even Sprite. I think I'm going to switch over to gatorade. My teeth are also very sensitive. They won't let me chew solid foods very easily and it's worrying me because this is new. Is this because of the vomiting?

I ultimately decided not to go to Convention. My husband didn't think it would be a good idea because I've been so sick lately. He thought I should stay home and get some rest. Riding in a car to Connecticut probably wouldn't be such a great idea. I wanted to go and hang out with my fraternity brothers and to hang out with people that I met at Archon's Academy and to talk to friends. Maybe next year.

I had really horrible dreams last night but I can't remember what they were.I woke up in a cold sweat though and scared.

I need to try and get some stuff done for Incept today. I'll help my friend with pamphlets and business cards to give out to new people. I can do that without leaving home and getting ill. I'm just so disappointed in myself. I just feel almost worthless sometimes.

Oh well, these things happen. I have my motility appointment on July 7th (that's the soonest they could see me). So, we'll see what they say. I'm a bit scared of that appointment. I have been taking motilium and I haven't noticed anything bad about it yet. I'll have to report my findings.